True love, sometimes.

True love sometimes doesn’t look like walking hands in hands with each other.

True love sometimes doesn’t look like going on coffee dates together, hanging out together.

True love sometimes doesn’t look like reading romantic novels together or going on shopping spree together.

True love sometimes isn’t going to the beaches to watch sunsets together.

Sometimes,
True love is watching the one we love, rest their head on the shoulder of the person they love.

-Aahilic Aish

And you stand there, and smile.

Smile, knowing it’ll never be you.

Smile, knowing they are happy with somebody else.

Smile, knowing their happiness matters the most.

Smile, knowing they can never be yours, but you’ll always be theirs.

Always.

-Aahilic Aish

Apologies My Heart……

You have stabbed my heart so bad, yet i love you.
I only have one question, how can i still love you so unconditionally when you don’t even remember me now?!
All those memories i have with you will continue to haunt me all my life.
Everybody has someone in their life, for whom their heart still longs and feels for; you will always be that someone for me.
You hit my heart hard with a spade and broke it into millions of pieces and i still love you with all the broken pieces, how is this even possible?
They say, “As you sow, shall you reap!” But i fail to understand why something bad happened to me when i did no bad to anybody.  You are the only one i ever loved, i have loved you for as long as i remember.
For me, love meant You!! Never once have a thought crossed my mind to betray you then why do i feel betrayed?
I trusted you with all my heart, was it just to get it broken?
I have dozens of questions running through my head,  killing me slowly.
Nobody knows what i am going through because i still can’t stand someone abusing you and tagging you of betrayal. How is this equal?
I just wish i never met you, i could have been saved of all the pain you caused!
I am fed up of how you can still control my mind.
You killed a part of me, the day you left me!
You put me through hell, you made me suffer and there is still no end to it.
Your so called love, killed my heart and took away my soul, now i am as good as dead.
I wish i could kill my feelings or atleast hide them in some box and throw it away, but its not possible.
I am so tired, emotionally, physically, and mentally, that i just want to close my eyes and never open them. I am suicidal, trying hard to find some meaning in my life. I still can’t believe i was part of a game, how is it that i felt for you in real, when it was all a game? No! This was never meant to happen.
This was not what i had in plans! I had plans, desires, & hopes of us being together forever, till the end.
Why did you have to prove me wrong & shatter all my dreams in such horrific manner?
You scrounged my heart only to break it! And worst of all, i have to deal with the pain all alone, how is this even justifiable?
I’ll always long to know my fault! I placed all my trust in you, only to get heart broken!
I gave you all the love i had, only to get abandoned by you, in times when I needed you the most! I feel everything, but i have nobody to go to, to find solace!
There was a time when you made me feel i made a good choice to have you in my life, only to break me even harder?
How can you have such a stone built heart? Dont you really feel anything?
Was it all really fake?
It cant be! I was never an easy girl, it was real hard to trick me into love, ’cause am not like girls who change their relationship status more than their clothes, i always waited for that ‘One True Love’.
My intimacy to you was never physical, i always felt for you by my heart.
Why not me? When we were meant to be.
I am hating the fact that i still can’t hate you, even after what you did to me.
I remember you once telling me that love is to heal, then why does your love hurt me!

The greater your capacity to love, The greater is your capacity to feel the pain

No one will ever understand how it feels, lost in a strange land, my eyes empty, my heart full of remorse, a good dead heart, just lively on the outside with a fake smile sticking to my lips, i guess i am as good as dead inside!
Thanks to you, now i am afraid of love, and will always be!
Your damage to my heart is irreversible!
You left me cold blooded and made me feel like scum of the Earth, but i guess you will never know that, ’cause you never think of me, i have seen you happy even after you left me, i wish, you had seen me that day, i had tears rolling down my cheeks but still was wishing you would just turn and smile and make it alright,  but i was wrong.
My expectations have always hurt me.
You killed a part of me, which can never be revived!
I wonder whether you still think of me, ’cause your thoughts still haunt me, day and night.
I still cry myself to sleep every night wishing i wasn’t alive!
The time i spent with you, the words you said to me, those still act as trigger to my pain, but i can’t share with you anymore. You left me devastated.
I still think it’s my fault that i completely trusted you and handed my heart over to you, thinking you would take good care of it, but i was wrong again.
I don’t know if i will ever trust anyone again, thanks to you!
I am trying to get over you but am failing, but i promise I’ll get over it someday, may be it’ll take time, but i will, or at least i hope so!

-Aahilic Aish….

Memories….

This happens quite often, when you catch yourself down the memory lane,  either happily smiling or crying inconsolable.
Memories are worth treasuring when they are good!
Memories don’t fade, nor do they die, but life goes on.
I feel it ironic personally, that these memories feel so bitterly sweet to taste.
Yes, memories warm you up from deep inside, but they also have the tendency to tear you apart. And the worst part of holding onto them is not the pain of it, but it’s the Loneliness that haunts you day after day, for years because you don’t miss the person as much as you miss the memories with them, because people may change but memories Don’t. 
Memories are nothing except a fragment of time that has died long ago, but still holds and claims a part in our hearts.
Crying doesn’t hurt  because the tears that you shed are from the depth of despair,  which are deep from the heart and reach the eyes, but crying too much doesn’t help either. Kill the loneliness, and share your pain.
Yes, your brain has captured that moment that’s forever gone, like a camera, but you cannot reproduce it again, you have to create new memories, the happy ones.
Life has Ups and Downs, because life is a roller coaster ride, without ’em , wouldn’t it be like travelling in a train? No excitement!!
Sometimes the memories you cherish the most, the ones you want to keep in light and view through every angle, seems to hurt the most as the time passes; thats when you need to lock them in a box and throw away the keys. Its not an act of being selfish or being hurtful to self or others, its an act of self love, self preservation.
Everything happens for our betterment,  we may not know it now because our minds and memory lanes are clogged because of the sudden loss, but in long run, we will eventually know when our minds will be at peace.
Life is too short for fake people, lets just bend over backwards and make our lives better. Life doesn’t always go the way you plan it , but its ok! Because no matter how closely and dearly you hold onto memories, they will always haunt you deep in your mind, unless…. you let go of the pain (or grudge) you have against the one’s you once loved..
Forgive and Forget, not for them, but for yourself.
Bad memories always give you a lesson, Learn it , stop regretting!
Make your life a better place! 

–Aahilic Aish…