A letter to the previous version of my souly.

Its 2 in the morning, and I am re-reading our chats from way back to 2017, and I realize, THAT was our time mahn! 2017 through 2018! (I know I told you I’ll not re-read them, I stopped re-reading them, but today, I let myself, because I miss us)

You know we used to chat, every second we were free, every time we had, and we talked about many things, without disturbing our routines, or letting it disturb our studies.

Along the way, when I look back to those, I realized I lost you somewhere (I think; Idk where though).

Oh! How I wish, I could have that you back!! ❤

Do you know there was a time, when I was mildly low, and you wanted to sleep, and you asked me, “Can I get a genuine smile?” :)) you had asked me to smile, maybe just to brighten up my mood, but those petty things bring a smile on my face, even now.
Its nostalgic, but rather a much sweet nostalgia.

Do you know, from feb 2017, through feb 2018, we have approximately 400 pages of word document, in small fonts, saved as our chats? 400!!!! Four freakingggggg hundred!

Something changed between us, I don’t know if I am the reason/ my childishness/ its just the role of time, but I would want that you back! Every second of every time, I would pray to have that you back.

You have now, grown so distant, detached emotionally, totally.
I miss you. I miss Us.

Selfish much? Maybe.

You ARE still here, just not the way you were then. Something’s changed. Something broke? Some part of you detached from me.
This detachment of yours, un/knowingly is changing me too, detaching me emotionally, from everybody, including you. More like giving up on life, like not feeling a thing now. An empty feeling. A void.

Those feelings of smiling, grinning, and blushing while chatting with you, are wayyy greater than these dark, detaching feels that I carry around now.

Save yourself. Save Us.
Let’s make it to the end together, Souly.
As lively, as we previously were. Please.
I would give anything to see us that way again. Anything.
I still wait, patiently, for your return comrade. But I am starting to get tired, I wonder how long before you return.
Get back Captain! :’)
~Tarbuz
-Aahilic Aish.

My Most Unexpected Miracle.

To,
The miracle of my life.
How do i start? what do i start with?
well, you are an idiot. And there is no denying that.
Even in my vaguest dreams, i had no idea you would mean something in my life. you are the most unexpected miracle i have come across.
You are an angel in yourself, the most selfless person i have met.
You are my guiding light, you are the first person i think of, when i want to share something, you are, infact the person i can share anything with, and lay it all bare, without the fear of being judged. you know me to the core, interestingly, in some cases, you know me better than i know myself.
You know how I’ll text to, or react something, and when, and how I’ll cool down, when i am low, what to do when i am high, and how to deal with all the shit i put you through, on a daily basis. You deserve a peace award, trust me, you are the greatest peace i have, you are the cold breeze that hits my face with harsh reality, and the warm fuzzy blanket that protects me from it, you know when i am vulnerable, and when and how to modify it into the most useful morphology.
You are love, when i think of a best friend, when i think of unadulterated love, i picture you.
-Aahilic Aish
You make my gloomy days better, and my bright days even brighter. You are the rainbow to my storm and the star to my sky. You are the guiding moon, on a dark night.
You are my muse, my poetry.

You held my hand and dragged me out of shit holes, and never complained. You are someone i look up to, each day of my life, each second of my day. Talking to you is the most effective therapy i have ever been to, and to lay it all, you are free of cost too. Just kidding!
You are the clown i need when i am sad, the motivation i need when i am down, the anchor that keeps me grounded, and the same anchor that pulls me out from the depths of ocean beds. You are the kite that makes me touch the skies, and the thread that holds the kite.
You are not just a person, you are a universe of your own, a universe with millions of galaxies waiting to be picked and written about.
-Aahilic Aish
If only i could tell you how much you move me, how much i fear loosing you, and how much you mean to me. Oceans of inks, and all of the trees would still feel less, if i had to write about you, i can write books about you, and for you, but my words would never suffice, and they can never do justice to your persona.
I can only imagine a life without you, how it would have so much less of laughter, and judgemental. You taught me not to think of society, per se, you taught me to be myself, and not to be afraid to opinionate. You bring out the real me, the bare me. I turn to you for everything, and i find you there, i cannot imagine not finding you there, and how empty my world would be, without you.
You bring out the best in me, every touch of yours is precious, you touched my ugly flaws and made me beautiful, you touched my fears and made me brave, you touched my tears and made me happy, you touched my broken soul, and made me whole again, unbreakable, and strong.
Thank you won’t ever suffice.
I hope you stay, forever, and ever.
Yours,
Extremely annoying, and intolerable,
-Aahilic Aish

An Open Letter….

My dear bestie,

I know i am hard to handle at times; ok! most of the time!

I  know i make you go Miles to do things for me, and then i expect you to keep up with my ever changing moods, and you are expected to behave accordingly too.

I know i am a mess, i make your life even harder, but i know you won’t mind me clinging on to some part of you, forever, like a small baby, depending on you for everything, from making up, breaking up, patching up, relationship advice, to ruthless, brutal truths. You Are my unsensored mirror, somebody who reflects my mistakes and enhances my good things even more, without a glitch. My heart searches for you, in silences, and in chaos; you are all i need. 

You are my magic potion, my pixie dust, and my most unexpected miracle.

-Aahilic Aish

 You save me from delibrate attempts of self loathing, and from the gorges of depressions, you bring happiness into my life, your presence quenches my thirst for love, and care. You give me unbiased opinions, and most lame ideas to get me through my over exaggerated problems.

I know it’s hard for you, to have an introvert friend, who never gets you, for being unexpressive, yet expects you to deal with all her crap. Trust me, you are doing a great job! 

To tame a rebellious girl like me, into a lady of class, makes you deserve an insignia of the highest order. You, yeah you, tame this notorious girl, you save her from drowning into the ocean, you are the light that saves me from the dark alleys, and blunt corners.

Your edgeless remarks to correct me, and the way you never give up on me, makes me think of  the good things i must have done, to deserve somebody like you. The way you treat me, trust me, and know me more than myself, makes me fall for you, not romantically, but in the most truest, and purest of love; some thing that can not be superficialized by these lusty desires, and fantasies, but the deepest and the most unadulterated, uncontaminated, and soul-refreshing form of love.

-Aahilic Aish