Baba’s Princess

I miss you, today, and everyday.
I wish i could sleep in you arms, once again. Just lie by your side and forget all my worries, i wish you could give me that sweet head massage, that proud smile, letting me take all your money, as i look at you laughing out. I wish i could have your physical presence here. I wish i could just hug you, and forget about this cruel world that we live in.
Thanks for making me kind, compassionate, strong, understanding. A human basically. Thanks for encouraging me to take my own decisions, and for standing by it. Thanks for believing in me, and for making me believe in me.
Thanks for trusting me when the world doubted me, Thanks for having confidence in a girl that she can be better than boys, and thanks for raising me that way.
Thanks for giving me lessons to not judge people, and help people out when and where we can, thanks for making me understand the concept of giving happiness, and not just expecting it. In this world of pocket moneys, thanks for making me financially independent.
Thanks for being such a good person, thanks for letting me learn by seeing you actually do, and not just by saying. Thanks for loving me enough to set me free.
Thanks for setting the standard so high. Thanks for being an example of kindness, lessons, and an epitome of love.
4 years from an urdu calendar they say, and i still can’t believe it. 4 years!!!! Without you!!
People often complain i live in my own “world” these days. How can i show them that my imaginary world is so much better, with you. Around you.
Just dreaming of you, after a stressful day, relieves me, makes me smile, how can i tell people that you exist, and i am more happy there, with you, than here, with them?
You’ll forever be my King! My everything.

Forever, and ever,
Your “Princess”, as you called me.

-Aahilic Aish

My Most Unexpected Miracle.

To,
The miracle of my life.
How do i start? what do i start with?
well, you are an idiot. And there is no denying that.
Even in my vaguest dreams, i had no idea you would mean something in my life. you are the most unexpected miracle i have come across.
You are an angel in yourself, the most selfless person i have met.
You are my guiding light, you are the first person i think of, when i want to share something, you are, infact the person i can share anything with, and lay it all bare, without the fear of being judged. you know me to the core, interestingly, in some cases, you know me better than i know myself.
You know how I’ll text to, or react something, and when, and how I’ll cool down, when i am low, what to do when i am high, and how to deal with all the shit i put you through, on a daily basis. You deserve a peace award, trust me, you are the greatest peace i have, you are the cold breeze that hits my face with harsh reality, and the warm fuzzy blanket that protects me from it, you know when i am vulnerable, and when and how to modify it into the most useful morphology.
You are love, when i think of a best friend, when i think of unadulterated love, i picture you.
-Aahilic Aish
You make my gloomy days better, and my bright days even brighter. You are the rainbow to my storm and the star to my sky. You are the guiding moon, on a dark night.
You are my muse, my poetry.

You held my hand and dragged me out of shit holes, and never complained. You are someone i look up to, each day of my life, each second of my day. Talking to you is the most effective therapy i have ever been to, and to lay it all, you are free of cost too. Just kidding!
You are the clown i need when i am sad, the motivation i need when i am down, the anchor that keeps me grounded, and the same anchor that pulls me out from the depths of ocean beds. You are the kite that makes me touch the skies, and the thread that holds the kite.
You are not just a person, you are a universe of your own, a universe with millions of galaxies waiting to be picked and written about.
-Aahilic Aish
If only i could tell you how much you move me, how much i fear loosing you, and how much you mean to me. Oceans of inks, and all of the trees would still feel less, if i had to write about you, i can write books about you, and for you, but my words would never suffice, and they can never do justice to your persona.
I can only imagine a life without you, how it would have so much less of laughter, and judgemental. You taught me not to think of society, per se, you taught me to be myself, and not to be afraid to opinionate. You bring out the real me, the bare me. I turn to you for everything, and i find you there, i cannot imagine not finding you there, and how empty my world would be, without you.
You bring out the best in me, every touch of yours is precious, you touched my ugly flaws and made me beautiful, you touched my fears and made me brave, you touched my tears and made me happy, you touched my broken soul, and made me whole again, unbreakable, and strong.
Thank you won’t ever suffice.
I hope you stay, forever, and ever.
Yours,
Extremely annoying, and intolerable,
-Aahilic Aish

The Cancer……

Life before it, was good!
As a family, we had fights, we loved each other, cared, spent time, life was imperfectly perfect.
And then, there came a day, she fell ill and had to be taken to a doctor!
After series of tests and scans, she was finally diagnosed with cancer…
Me being a 13 year old, was informed the last about her condition!
Actually, i learnt it only when she was taken to a cancer Institute for a thorough diagnosis, or a differential, i would say.
Even being 13, i felt it hard to explain it to my younger brother, what cancer actually was, so i understand how hard it might have been for my parents to inform me about that cancer stuff she had!
She was diagnosed with a ‘large malignant tumour, 4×6cm in size, metastatic in nature’
It was stage III cancer now, though she was diagnosed with it at stage I, she din’t really have time, ’cause she always kept her family before her, and her negligence led her to stage III…
Her husband took her cancer as lightly as he took her always, i remember him telling me, “Why does she has to waste money on expensive doctors and treatment, may be the lump is normal thing in beings”. It isn’t normal, how can he be so heartless?
She started seeing her oncologist from December after series of fights with her husband about it, finally agreeing that she will pay all the expenses herself!
She was ready to go under the knife only in February, after all her vitals were completely stabilized, her diabetes and blood pressure under control.
I loved her, but was not really close to her, until this, when i realized how she always was there, and we as children, never realized her worth! May be this was God’s way of making Me realize how much she actually meant in my life.
The date for her ‘Modified Radical mastectomy’ was decided now. It was 1st February.
She had to be admitted a week before, for all the scans and check Ups and to keep a tab on her vitals.
It was finally the 1st of February.
I was sad, sulking, depressed, but too shy to admit.
I dint break down, i had to be strong for my family, for her, i thought to my self.
As i was sitting holding her hand, i really din’t had any words to tell her, i loved her but  still couldn’t describe how i felt.
And her oncologist came along and nodded a yes for surgery.
As she lay there, to be taken to the Operation theatre, i realized how much she meant to me, i leaned over her and took courage and said, “I love you, i really do, i am sorry that i always troubled you, i promise you, there will be a new you and a new me, when you walk out of that surgery”, to which she smiled.
She was taken inside, as i sat there looking out of the window, the grey sky, i realized something, though she did everything, she risked her life, my family din’t realize her worth.
I could be sure of it, as i could see no one flunking the lobby near the operation theatre.
How can people be so mean? I mean nobody came to see her off, to make her feel a bit better, when she was in a battlefield like that.
After long hours of surgery, i could finally see her, she was still unconscious. I was then taken to look at the lump that was killing her, ’cause i had requested that earlier.
It was kept in an isolation box, i was sterilized before and after seeing it, as a precautionary measure. There was blood all over, i saw it, (i actually cursed), it was a large lump.
I went back, sat, she was on drip, and a draining tube through her chest. She was weak, fragile, and when she asked about her husband and family, i had to lie, that they came and was there, through the surgery and went just now as the visiting hours were over, she was happy, i guess so!
The doctor came, checked her up and declared her NCF (No cancer found)
I thanked God for it, fed hungry people, did everything i could think of, as a 13 year old.. ’cause i wanted her to be fine.
They kept her in observation for the next week.
She asked about her husband again, i said she was in observation, and the doctors din’t allow visitors, so they sent ’em back. She smiled, so did i.
She was discharged and we got home!
Took her to regular chemotherapy radiations, this was to avoid any recurrence of the disease. She eventually lost her mane, which she could grow back later.
Losing hair and vomitings, were the most common complains of radiations and therapy.
I saw her health deteriorating,  she couldn’t get off her bed, but her family wasn’t supportive, even now.
Her husband took her for granted, as always.
Her son, din’t value her still, he was mean, and din’t realize her sufferings, was still arrogant.
Years passed now, i am over 21years, i have completely fallen in love with her, i value her more than my life now!
She is still weak and fragile, but takes care of her family, still.
Her husband, is still taking her for granted….
Her children, still arrogant.
The only change cancer could bring, was in her (physically, mentally, socially), and in Me (emotionally).
The rest was all the same, before and after the cancer…. her husband, her sons, her work load…. That never changed….. and of course, her inner strength and courage.

-Aahilic Aish…..